This is something that I struggle with. A lot. Growing up, I had lot of friends. I hung out with a wide variety of people, but only ever really had a best friend a small handful of times throughout my short life.
I’m talking maybe a total of 3-4’ish. When I dated my ex husband, he quickly became my best friend and as a result my “girlfriends” fell behind. Totally my fault, and I get that. My ex-husband (boyfriend/fiance at the time) wasn’t too keen on me hanging out with others; and because we were “in love” I stupidly chose him over my close friends.
Even while I was at work, I had a very difficult time maintaining friends because of him. I’d feel like I was getting somewhere with a co-worker, and then Happy Hour would come up. I’d have to decline the invite, because “why would you go and hang out at a bar, are you single? I thought we were engaged to each other, not dating other people”.
So, this mentality (me being submissive, him being dominate) was my life for 22 years. I lost childhood friends over him, I lost adult friends over him; I lost me.
Now here I am, nearing mid life and I am starting over. My best friend is my fiance, and I absolutely love that feeling. I also love the fact that he doesn’t attempt to be dominate on who I can and cannot hang out with. I struggled at the beginning of our relationship with telling him where I was going, who I was going with and feeling the need to validate that it was okay for me to go.
I still don’t have a girl “best friend”, and I miss that. I want a girl friend who I can go and have GNO with, grab a drink every now and then with, go shopping with, hang out with.
Hoping to fix that someday and find someone to fill that position; but happy to know that my love is my bestie, I have two amazing gay besties, and a growing number of good friends.
Moral of my post? Don’t EVER let someone tell you who you can talk to, or who you can be friends with. I wasn’t going out to “date”, I was going out to hang out and relax with a friend. It wasn’t an every night thing, it was an ever once in a while. I feel like I was robbed of an intricate part of my young adult life, and I won’t make the same mistake twice (and I haven’t. 😉 ).
I may have been super young, super naive and super STUPID to get into a relationship with someone who was so controlling and being so STUPID to never realize it until YEARS later; but that’s my life and it’s what has made me the VERY STRONG Woman that I am today. It has taught me a lot, it has helped me teach my children what NOT to do, and it has made me a better person.
That being said, I am still craving that female “bestie” relationship and the position is open for audition. 😉 Maybe I’ll create a bestie dating site, one where you are paired with your ultimate best friend match. 😀
#nofriends #needabestie #learningaboutme #fixingmypast